Cracked Magazine pontificates upon the 20 Stupidest G.I.Joe Vehicles EVER and I cry a little, for I owned half of these ill-designed, hilariously constructed deathtraps. In fact, I recently included the Trubble Bubble (yes—that’s how it’s spelled) in a graphic novel pitch. Read, Laugh, Share, Enjoy.

SODA: THE GREAT UNITER

Great. Now I’ll never get that theme song out of my head.

Stewart’s Key Lime Soda VS Personal Economics and a call for Going Glass

Years ago, I worked at a family-owned printer/marketing firm in Flushing, Queens. The firm was so small, it took up space on the first floor of a residential apartment building and surrounding said apartments were an ancient gas station, a shady barbershop and a scattering of traditional fast food offerings. But across from the “office” were two bodegas, each offering candy and packaged goodies, tons of canned items that had gone bad three months earlier, magazines/newspapers and freezers filled with carbonated drinks.

Sure—you had Pepsi, Coke, your lemon limes and Snapples…but more importantly (to an adventurous palate like mine, anyway) there were unrecognizable labels from bottlers offering less-likely varieties: Pineapple, Bubble Gum and the like. One such company—I keep wanting to say the brand had been City Cola, but it clearly wasn’t—stocked said freezers with huge bottles of soda with flavors I can only remember as Blue, Red, Yellow and Green. Their labels explained that this bottle, the one sweating into your hand having just been lifted from it’s frosty container, this bottle here is “The Big One” and both it and all it’s friends could be had for the low, low, LOW price of FIFTY CENTS PER BOTTLE.

FIFTY. CENTS. And this wasn’t the early Nineties or the Eighties—this was 2004 at the earliest, bubs and bubettes. Double shiny Washingtons for delicious soft drinks in plastic bottles larger than your standard single serving.

The red flavor— Strawberry I’m sure—tasted near-exact to Faygo’s Redpop, a soda unavailable here on the East Coast but one of my true loves back in Michigan. I’d buy one around 11am and nurse it until 3pm, when I’d usually stroll across the street for another selection. The soda wasn’t anything special, mind you—I mean, sure… It tasted fine and presented a nice change of pace from the traditional national brands…but the price definitely elevated my enjoyment of the product. Fifty cents for a unique flavor sensation? Sign this typical Jewboy up.

See, the thing is I worked in Queens but lived on Manhattan’s Upper West Side, close enough to Harlem and then the Bronx to warrant a completely different variety of unfamiliar labels and flavors. The difference? In Manhattan, close to Queens in location but worlds away in pricing, soda cost waaaaaay more than fifty cents a bottle. Hell, even the cheapo product rang In at nearly two bucks a single serving—that’s the cost of a two-liter at most grocery stores these days. So if I was springing for unique sodas while lounging at home, you could be damn sure I’d be avoiding the moonshines of the soft drink world and paying for something elegant, something gourmet…

…something in a freaking glass bottle.

Yeah, I’m a soda snob, and am here to proclaim the following: soft drinks taste best enjoyed from glass bottles. This isn’t opinion, son; The glass bottle releases a nostalgia pheromone which, when ejected into the air and across the taste buds also (like brain freeze, like a heart attack) stimulates a pleasure center in your brain that fills your nervous system with a sense of satisfaction and thirst for more. I can’t explain it—no one can; it’s science, like Coke’s secret formula. Trust in it and only drink from glass bottles.

Okay, so maybe it isn’t science but you can’t deny that there’s simply something RIGHT about drinking cold soda from chilled glass bottles instead of plastic tubes, aluminum cans or plastic cups. Pour yourself some soda into an ice-filled plastic cup and then another into an ice-filled glass from your kitchen cabinet. Which tastes better? Amirite?

So, yeah—if I’m already being charged gourmet prices, I’ll indulge in gourmet soft drinks. Jones, Boylan, and my hand-down favorite, the unassuming, welcoming mixtures of carbonated Nirvana bottled and shipped by the happy, magical elves that must staff the offices of Stewart’s Fountain Classics.

Originally drafted by smiling soda jerks at Stewart’s Restaurants, a Midwest chain of root beer stands, the “old fashioned” gourmet sodas capitalize on nostalgia and the good ol’ days of hand-pumped soft drinks served across the counter. Handed down from the Stewart’s owners to various beverage companies throughout the years, the Stewart’s brands now can be found in most grocery stores, delis and bodegas across the nation. Generally offered in 4-6 packs, the individual bottles line specific refrigerated coolers throughout Manhattan and have to be happened upon or hunted down when struck with a sudden thirst for flavors like Cherries N’ Cream; Ginger, Birch or Root Beer; Orange N’ Cream WHICH I SWEAR TASTES LIKE CREAMSICLE IN A BOTTLE; and, my weakness, Key Lime Soda.

Here’s a secret for all you interrogators plotting ways to get me to reveal the secrets behind the vast SodaBlog fortune: I will tell you anything—ANYTHING—for key lime. Key lime pie, key lime cookies, key lime ice cream and yes—Key Lime Soda. The Stewart’s variation of Key Lime Soda is the clear winner in the horrible and terrible global key lime debates: the inviting, pale green liquid captured in an elegant bottle (which cleverly empties its etched logo as you finish the drink) pleasantly streams across the tongue in a smooth, fizzing trail evoking hints of creamy meringue and tart lime which doesn’t overpower your taste buds but rather swirls in with the cream, leaving you with a hard-to-pin-down vision of carnival flavors and summertime sensations. I’ll drink bottles of the stuff, one after the other—the pale color translates into the taste, as well…most green/lime drinks, in my opinion, are sharp or sour. Apple or lime, usually, biting and somewhat tart. Stewart’s Key Lime presents none of that, as if each bottle had been individually poured and intermingled with a draft of cream by a dedicated, cautious, winking counterman.

And yeah, it comes in a glass bottle. The glass—smooth and clear, keeping any metallic or plastic aftertaste from sullying the drink—is simply one more element involved in a unique drinking experience…and the bottlers understand that, combining the drink itself as coloring for the bottle and etched logo. Each detail, every part of the bottle and drink, work with one another in a way a plastic bottle cannot—and heaven forbid a can. The bottlers know this…and that’s why each bottle costs what it costs.

Look, it’s soda; not a soda fountain. The relative difference between a buck and a buck-seventy five isn’t going to make or break you but you’re definitely paying for a different drinking experience when indulging in a bottle of Stewart’s or Jones or what have you. Sure—you can drop the double Washingtons and get a fine, respectable drink in “The Big One” or a City Cola but I’d like to convince you, here and now, to go the extra mile and invest in glass. Like iMax film, it’s a completely different experience, and one well worth the added time and change.

Go glass. And go Stewart’s Key Lime.

ARE YOU PEOPLE TRYING TO DELICIOUSLY KILL ME?

Captain America Cherry Coolata Commercial: Needs an Editor, Flavor

Yeah… so not to kick a drink while it’s down but Bleeding Cool has run the Dunkin’ Donuts Captain America Coolata commercial which, while sort of amusing, presents a few glaring continuity errors:

After the damsel in distress hugs our “Cap” construction worker RECENTLY DOUSED WITH BLUE PAINT she comes away from the embrace with nary a paint smudge at all.

Also, after severing the hanging drill with his makeshift shield, “Cap” runs after the dog and CLEARLY TURNS THE DRINK IN HIS HAND UPSIDE DOWN WITHOUT SPILLING ITS CONTENTS ON THE GROUND. Additionally, while leaping to grab the dog’s leash, he all but throws the drink in the dog’s direction AND YET THE FLIMSY TOP DOES NOT POP OFF NOR DO THE CONTENTS HEAVE ACROSS THE WORK SITE LIKE FROSTY CRIMSON VOMIT.

That’s one magic drink.

Finally, where did the perfectly shaped star symbol on his shirt come from? I cry foul.

Red, White and Bleagh: The Captain America Cherry Coolata.

Now and then, despite my mad love for all things flavorful and carbonated, I’ll drop all rules and guidelines and expand my liquid definitions (“liquifitions,” for short). Thus, beverages that clearly aren’t soft drinks slip into the ranks of those that are—Snapple’s soda variations, for instance, or frozen drinks like Slurpees. While I wouldn’t necessarily refer to a Slurpee as soda, it’s a grey enough area that mentioning those icy cups of wet heaven isn’t a stretch for this blog (though using “grey area” when discussing Slurpees tends to offer up visions of ashy, textureless flavors).

In addition to the above qualifier, let me unequivocally state the following: sometimes— but not often—soda sucks. I don’t mean in the “soda makes you fat/will kill you/rots your teeth” way (which it does/it might/you bet) but in the sense that, yeah chief, this drink you’re giving me is flat-out AWFUL. Like I said, the Bad is pretty rare—I tend to enjoy most flavors and variations. The few, the proud, the terrible on my Least Five are as follows:

1) Dr. Brown’s Cel-Ray Soda (I don’t eat celery when it ISN’T liquified)
2) Faygo Chocolate Crème Soda (the clear loser in the Faygo portfolio, now discontinued)
3) Pepsi Jazz (coffee flavored soda? No thanks!)
4) Jones Soda Co. Thanksgiving Dinner Soda (pretty self-explanatory)
5) New Coke (though, truth be told, I’m kind of curious to try it again now that I’m an adult)

Both of the above paragraphs lead me to this weekend’s ill-fated frozen folly. Blocks from SodaBlog HQ, conveniently offering a pretty quick drive-thru window, rests a join Dunkin’ Donuts/Baskin Robbins (man, I hope there aren’t any nutritionists lurking about this blog—they’d no doubt be tossing up their arms in disgust at this point, washing their hands of me and mine). While Mrs. SodaBlog enjoys the occasional DD coffee, I never touch the stuff and when out and about on a weekend with the kids, the two of us sometimes swing through for an on-the-go drink or breakfast. Sitting on line the other day, waiting to shout orders into the OrderBot 6000, my eye wandered to the colorfully perspiring photos of Dunkin’ Donut’s Slurpee knockoff: the Coolata. Adjacent to their Coffee Coolata (an iced coffee stand-in, I’d imagine?) DD offers the following standards: Blue Raspberry, Tropicana, Vanilla Bean, Strawberry and now, Mountain Dew. Figuring “well, Neil likes Mountain Dew. Neil likes Slurpees and/or Slurpee-like drinks” Mrs. SodaBlog and I quickly decided I’d give their wares a try.

My first sip of the Mountain Dew Coolata was…well, it was cold but not exactly Mountain Dew. The normally distinctive Dew taste got lost in an unnecessary amount of water and ice resulting in a very watered-down, somewhat flat bottle of Mountain Dew left in the freezer for five hours. Clearly, though, my opinion had merit. Slightly disappointed, I dutifully finished the cup and vowed to try another flavor at some point in the future.

Fast-forward to yesterday, driving home from dropping Mrs. SodaBlog off at work and jonesing for a drink. Earlier in the week I’d walked past a DD on my way to the subway and noticed their timely partnership with Marvel Studios: for a limited time, Dunkin’ Donuts offers a cherry Captain America Coolata, tying in to the July release of CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE FIRST AVENGER, a film I’m very much looking forward to.

Sitting on line yesterday, waiting to shout an order into the OrderBot 6000, my eye wandered to the colorfully perspiring photos once more and threw my mighty shield to the wind. I had vowed to try another Coolata and, having written a Marvel comic (and hoping to write more), chose to be a Company Man and give ol’ Cap a try. The cup—clear, plastic and emblazoned with the film logo and a stylized shield—held a thick, slightly watery yet near-bloody red beverage with a straw piercing the top. Pulling free of the drive-thru, I took a sip…and instantly froze my brain.

“Brain Freeze”—or, as known by its medical term Spheno Palatine Gangleoneuralgia—is the result of the constriction of blood vessels in the stomach when put in contact with cold fluids. The pain felt in the head does not actually occur in the head at all but diverts from the stomach to a nerve in the head which receives this particular pain. This process is similar to pain in your left arm while having a heart attack.

Which I was also having, by the way, because the amount of sugar dumped into my Coolata was like a shot of adrenaline to my entire system.

Every sticky sweet, freezing cold, distinctively RED sip of the Captain America Coolata pierced both heart and skull, immobilizing me for a brief moment as I prepared to bolster my guts and take another. The cherry taste of the drink overpowered any other along my palate and I nearly felt to urge to heave the contents of my mouth—much like Steve Rogers’ famed shield—all along the length of the SodaBlog Family minivan. “Terrible” would be spinning it politely. “Undrinkable” hit the target more accurately, for after the fourth attempt and a rush of pounding drums to my cranium married with tense, shaking utensils I once called “fingers” forced the expulsion of the remainder of the cup into the nearest trash receptacle.

To wit, I tossed that mother out.

Recovering the use of both my extremities and circulatory functions, covering the tangy, syrupy taste in my mouth with a slug of Coca-Cola, I silently vowed from hence forward to steer clear of frozen drinks that don’t include the trusted numbers seven or eleven. Fool me once, Dunkin’ Donuts, shame on me. Fool me twice and I’m buying Krispy Kreme donuts with a Cherry Coke Slurpee.

And as for Captain America? He’ll live to fight another day—both on the printed page and vivid celluloid. Besides; any Cap fan knows red’s the color of the enemy…and despite the machinations of licensing executives across the land, when push comes to shove and soft drinks are a-plenty, Steve Rogers puts his trust in a simple glass of clear, cold milk.

One last comic book thing — it’s the 20th Anniversary of the ROCKETEER movie…a movie I saw in theatres and freaking LOVE. Check out this cool animated movie built in honor of the anniversary.

How I tried (and failed) to bring THE SOPRANOS to comics.

So years ago, before the days of Mrs Sodablog and our little soda kids, long before I had the fame and fortune you’d expect from a man like me, my roommates and I were addicted to HBO.

Like, seriously make sure we’re home on Sunday night, don’t spoil it or I’ll kill you hardcore addicted. OZ, SOPRANOS, ENTOURAGE, DEADWOOD, CURB—we watched it all (well, we didn’t watch SEX IN THE CITY, nor did we partake in ROME…but then, no one partook in ROME). And one night, drunk and engorged on quality storyline (and also? Hamburgers), my roommate turned my way and asked why the hell I didn’t do a SOPRANOS comic.

Now, sure— I spent hours explaining licensing and creative control, I opined on how David Chase and his minions would do it if no one else did, and how they wouldn’t let a guy with one mob-based book to his name steer the fate of a cash cow like THE SOPRANOS and on and on… But in the back of my mind, I thought: why not? I know some folks who would dig this, I know some artists that would jump at the chance. Why not reach out to a few publishers and see if they’d bite at securing the license to do a series of comics set in the magical world of North New Jersey focused on some of the secondary characters and perhaps stories based before the series?

Then it got a bit more interesting: my roommate had a connection at HBO.

Reaching out to gauge interest, we learned that HBO would take a proposal depending on cost and publisher consideration. They’d hear our ideas, but if we didn’t have a proven, successful publisher behind us, we were shit out of luck. So while my roommate drafted a business/marketing plan for HBO, I sat down and hammered out a proposal and short script over the course of three days. My idea was to put together a piece based on Benny Fazio—as played by Max Casella, or as many of you might know him, the guy that played Vinnie on DOOGIE HOWSER, MD—and get five pages assembled to show to publishers and HBO. My pal Vito Delsante hooked me up with rising artist at the time, Jim Muniz, and Jim knocked out a few pages (which for god knows what reason I can’t find in my files—the above group shot was culled from Jim’s DeviantArt gallery.

Every publisher I approached seemed interested… But there were holdups:

1. Speakeasy, still in business at the time, controlled the rights to several HBO shows and nobody could figure out if THE SOPRANOS was actually part of the package.
2. The few publishers I spoke with were gung ho about doing the comic, but the licensing agreement/fees weren’t ideal for the publisher to turn a workable profit.
3. Finally, HBO strongly suggested they wanted to keep the property in house and as HBO is a division of Time-Warner, they made it quite clear that the only publisher they’d consider working with was DC Comics, another Time-Warner division.

Wildstorm had not yet jumped into the licensed comic book market—they were still focused on their shared superhero universe, so it didn’t enter my mind to reach out to them. The only person I could think to approach with this product at DC was a Vertigo editorial contact who, after mulling it over for a bit, explained this wasn’t a project Vertigo could consider at the time. That basically stalled any forward momentum we had, which is a shame, because I think given the right support it would have done gangbusters.

BUT whaddyagonna do, right? In any event, while I can’t locate the art Jim created for this, I though you might get a kick out of the script. It’s also pretty clear that this sample was written before the show ended…but in any event, enjoy!

SOPRANOS SAMPLE SCRIPT
By Neil Kleid based on characters created by David Chase and owned by HBO

Page 1 (4 PANELS)

PANEL ONE
EST. SHOT- OOH-FA PIZZA PARLOR - DAY
Medium angle shot of the store. Brisk Fall day, leaves falling from trees onto cars parked alongside the store. A somewhat beaten Dodge is parked in the front and in our extreme foreground is an SUV. The store has a large window that looks out onto the avenue and in it we can see the silhouettes of two men – one, small and slight, the second large and imposing.

SAL (OP): BENNY! GEEZ! LOOK AT THIS GUY!

SAL (OP):  LET ME COME AROUND AND SAY HELLO.

PANEL TWO
INT. SHOT- OOH-FA PIZZA PARLOR - DAY
The pizza parlor is empty, decorated in reds and greens and festooned with Italian flags. Ooh Fa’s seen better days. The tables are filthy and a sullen looking kid sweeps up in the back. In the foreground, SAL, the portly owner in apron whites and a v-neck t-shirt, embraces BENNY FAZIO in front of the main counter. Benny is in an expensive sports jacket and slacks. Standing near them is the large man from the first panel, BOBBY ‘BACALA’ BACCALIERI, clad in a windbreaker and jogging suit.

BENNY:  LONG TIME, SAL. HOW’S THE BUSINESS?

SAL:  GOOD DAYS AND BAD, KID. AIN’T THE SAME SINCE YOU STOPPED COMING ‘ROUND.

BENNY:  BLAME CHRIS. GUY GETS HIS WINGS AND IT’S STEAK AND LOBSTER ALL THE TIME.

PANEL THREE
Sal turns back to the counter and ovens while Benny and Bobby sit, Benny putting a pack of smokes on the table.

SAL:  BOBBY, COME STAI?  HOW’S THE KIDS?

BOBBY:  GOOD. SOPHIA’S STARTS SCHOOL NEXT WEEK.

SAL:  WHAT CAN I GET YOU? MUSHROOMS AND PEPPERS? COUPLA FANTAS?

BOBBY:   PERFECT, SAL. THANKS.

PANEL FOUR
Two shot of Bobby and Benny, sitting at the table. Benny smirks and looks for matches or a lighter in his jacket.

BENNY:  WE COULDN’T MEET AT A GOOD PLACE?  I MEAN I LOVE SAL, BOBBY, BUT WE NEVER USED TO COME AROUND HERE FOR THE FOOD.

BOBBY: I WANNA TALK AWAY FROM PRYIN’ EYES AND EARS.

Page 2 (5 PANELS)

PANEL ONE
EXT. OOH-FA – DAY
Shot of the three men as seen through the store window. A young couple walks by, huddled against the cold. A gang of African American kids (three) walks by, ribbing each other on their way to a nearby car.

BOBBY:  Y’KNOW, YOU WERE TONY’S GO TO GUY UNTIL YOU GOT YOUR BUTTON LAST WINTER. 

BENNY:  YEAH? SO?

BOBBY:  BEFORE THAT, I WAS JUNIOR’S GO TO GUY. YEARS I WIPED HIS ASS, WAITIN’ FOR TONY TO LOOK MY WAY. ONE THING I LEARNED FROM JUNIOR – WHEN THINGS GET HOT, YOU GET COLD.

PANEL TWO
Benny looks down at his inner pocket, wondering where his lighter is.

BOBBY(OP):  GO TO GUYS THINK THEY CAN PULL COWBOY SHIT AND BECAUSE OF THEIR RELATIONSHIP WITH THE BOSS THEY’LL GET A PASS. BUT I NEVER DID.

BOBBY (OP):  YOU, CHRIS, TONY B. I WATCHED YOU ALL PUT YOURSELF FIRST AND LOYALTIES SECOND.

PANEL THREE
Bobby reaches across to help Benny out with his own lighter.

BENNY:  I’M LOYAL. AND ALL DUE RESPECT, BOBBY, LIKE YOU’RE JOE PERFECT?

BOBBY:  I DIDN’T SAY THAT, BUT I’VE SEEN GUYS COME AND GO… SMART GUYS WHO THOUGHT THEY KNEW BETTER.

BOBBY:  RICHIE APRILE, TONY B. WHERE ARE THEY FUCKING NOW?

PANEL FOUR
Benny grins and leans back, taking a puff of smoke as Bobby, determined and angry, points down to the table.

BENNY:  BERMUDA TRIANGLE.

BOBBY:  HEY, I’M SERIOUS HERE!

BENNY:  THEN STOP WITH THE PROLOGUE AND TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT.

PANEL FIVE
Close on Benny’s eyes.

BOBBY(OP): TORCIANO CALLED ME.

BENNY: GERRY TORCIANO? NEW YORK?

BOBBY(OP): SAW YOU IN BROOKLYN. IN PHIL LEOTARDO’S NEIGHBORHOOD?

Page 3 (5 PANELS)

PANEL ONE
FLASHBACK – VESUVIO’S PARKING LOT – NIGHT
Benny, younger and wearing glasses, is pulled from his car by PHIL LEOTARDO and his cronies.

BENNY: SO? IT AIN’T A CRIME TO BE IN BROOKLYN.

BOBBY (OP):  BENNY, YOU WERE SEEN NEAR THE ACTING BOSS OF NEW YORK’S HOUSE.

PANEL TWO
INT. OOH-FA - DAY
Benny leans against his chair and looks back at us (or Bobby, whose POV we’re at) while smoking.

BOBBY (OP):  THE ACTING BOSS WHO BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU.

BOBBY (OP):  I GOT TO DRAW YOU A DIAGRAM HOW THIS LOOKS?

PANEL THREE
FLASHBACK – VESUVIO’S PARKING LOT – NIGHT
Phil and gang beat young Benny with a pipe.

PANEL FOUR
INT. OOH-FA - DAY
Benny puts the cigarette out on the table.

BENNY: YEAH, I GET IT. SO HOW COME I’M NOT HEARING THIS FROM TONY?   

BOBBY (OP):  TONY DOESN’T KNOW YET AND I’M NOT GONNA TELL HIM.

PANEL FIVE
Bobby gets up as Sal enters from the kitchen with the pizza.

BOBBY:  BUSINESS WITH NEW YORK IS GOOD NOW AND NO ONE WANTS IT FUCKED UP.

BOBBY:  YOU GOT A HARD ON FOR PHIL, I GET. BUT YOU GOTTA COOL DOWN BEFORE YOU FUCK THINGS UP. THAT’S WHAT I WANT. TO TELL YOU TO KNOCK OFF THE COWBOY SHIT, ONE GO TO GUY TO ANOTHER.

Page 4 (5 PANELS)

PANEL ONE
Bobby drops money on the table next to the smokes.

BOBBY:  LIKE I SAID – I WAS A GO TO GUY ONCE. SAME AS YOU, SAME AS CHRIS AND FURIO.

BOBBY:  KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN YOU AND THOSE OTHER GUYS?

PANEL TWO
Shot of Bobby looking down at Benny, pointing at himself with his thumb. Sal comes up behind him with the pizza.

BOBBY:  WHEN THEY PULLED ALL THEIR SHIT I WAS STUCK WIPING JUNIOR’S ASS.

BOBBY:  BUT YOU GO NEAR PHIL OR ANYONE ELSE FROM NEW YORK AND I’LL KICK YOURS.

PANEL THREE
Bobby leaves the pizza parlor as Sal sets the pizza down in front of Benny.

BOBBY:  THANKS, SAL. JAN’S GOT ME ON THE ATKINS.

BOBBY:  THINK ABOUT WHAT I SAID, BENNY.

PANEL FOUR
EXT. OOH-FA’S - DAY
Bobby exits, heading for his car – the African American kids from page 2 are climbing into theirs.

PANEL FIVE
Bobby looks in their window as he goes by towards his SUV and sees two specific kids – both in hoodies and “gang” gear, both pretty young. These are two of the kids who shot Bobby in the eye one late night.

Page 5 (5 PANELS)

PANEL ONE
Close on the kid in the passenger’s seat – shotgun side – who’s grinning and joking with his friends.

PANEL TWO
FLASHBACK – PARKING LOT - NIGHT
Shot of the kid, surrounded by three friends , looking down at us as he points a handgun at us and squints his eyes, about to shoot.

BOBBY (OP):  PLEASE! NO! I HAVE A FAMILY!

KIDS:  SHOOT THAT FAT FUCK… GO ON, POP ‘IM, MAN…

KIDS:  LOOK AT ‘IM CRY… DO IT…

PANEL THREE
Reverse shot, now looking down at Bobby on the floor, beaten and hurt, one arm reaching towards us begging us not to shoot.

BOBBY:  NO! PLEASE! I GOT KIDS!

PANEL FOUR
EXT. OOH-FA’S – DAY
Bobby is stunned, standing outside the pizza parlor and staring at the kids who shot him and made him feel weak.

PANEL FIVE
INT. THE GANG’S CAR - DAY
Our POV is in the driver’s seat, looking past the kid in shotgun and through the window as Bobby races towards them, pointing at them in fury as he reaches for his gun.

BOBBY:  HEY! HEY, YOU, YOU PIECE OF SHIT!

BOBBY:   GET OVER HERE! GET OUT O’ THE CAR!

KID:  FUCK YOU WANT, POPPIN’ FRESH?

Page 6 (5 PANELS)

PANEL ONE
EXT. THE GANG’S CAR - DAY
Bobby reaches into the window to grab the kid.

KID: MOTHERFUCKER! GO! GO!

BOBBY: I SAID GET OUT HERE!

PANEL TWO
INT. THE GANG’S CAR - DAY
Bobby grabs the kid by the throat. The kid is choking but gestures to his driver friend to step on it.

BOBBY: YOU REMEMBER ME? YOU REMEMBER THIS FACE, YOU SON OF A BITCH?

BOBBY:  YOU SHOT ME! YOU SHOT ME!

KID:  **KKK!! I SAID GO, MOTHERFUCKER! DRIVE!

PANEL THREE
The car pulls away and Bobby falls, loosing his grip.

KID: SO LONG, SUPERSIZE!

KID:  YEAH! YEAH, EAT MY FUCKIN’ DUST WITH A SIDE OF FRIES!

PANEL FOUR
Bobby gets up from the ground slowly, reaching for his pistol again – In the background, Benny comes running out of the pizza parlor.

BENNY:  BOBBY! WHAT THE FUCK?

BOBBY:  GET YOUR CAR!

BENNY:  WHAT HAPPENED TO “THINGS GET HOT, YOU GET COLD”?

BOBBY:  IT’S FUCKING DIFFERENT! GET THE CAR!

PANEL FIVE
Bobby stands and watches the gang’s car drive away down the avenue,

This is going to be a post about comic books.

We’ll return to our regularly scheduled SodaBlog soon, but I just wanted to toss up a quick state-of-the-union for those followers interested in my comic book/writing career.

Basically, things are moving slowly. Not a huge deal in the larger scheme of things—some days you’re promoting, some days you’re planning. Right now I’m in a planning/creative cycle as I prepare for a 2012 full of The Good.

Previously, I’d been knee-deep in an original graphic novel I often referred to as my game-changer, my Sekret OGN, my step to the big time. That book, MIGDAL DAVID, is a family cartoon memoir about my relationship wth my younger brother—living with developmental disability in an Orthodox Jewish home—and still remains on the books… the only catch is that it’s currently without a home. For the past two years (after living at Seraphic Press, a small press that returned the rights four years back), MIGDAL lived in the house of a fairly well-known American comic book publisher under the care of three devoted, amazing editors, all of whom I hope to work with again one day. Unfortunately, due to market conditions and the changing shape of the Direct Market, the book was among several OGNs that were canceled at the beginning of the year.

No big deal. Happens all the time. Regroup and revisit.

Unfortunately, between that and last year’s emotional roller-coaster (my Mom passed away) my motivation took a hard, quick punch to the gut. But I’m finally getting through all that, hearing the song of the story coursing again in my veins and as such I’m spending much of my day dreaming new ideas.

To that regard, here’s what you can expect from yours truly on the horizon in some way, shape or form:

1) I’m polishing the script for AMERICAN CAESAR, my original graphic novel transporting Shakespeare’s bloody tragedy into the heart of the financial meltdown. The book will be drawn by Irish newcomer Eoin Coveney for a soon-to-be-named up and coming comic book publisher. I’m thrilled about this because it’s a company I’ve worked with before, and a book I’ve longed desired to bring to realization. That book’s aiming for a Summer-to-Fall 2012 release date and we’re going to do our damndest to hit it. Eoin and I, by the by, are also dreaming up a creator-owned project that marries two loves—supervillains and organized crime—and are looking to send it around for consideration this Fall. The first two pages top this blog posting and we hope you enjoy them.

2) ACTION, OHIO: Hey, remember that story? The one that came in second in it’s month during the Zudacomics heyday and then ran for 50 screens at the Shadowline webcomics hub? It’s coming back. And coming soon. New artist, new home, new pages. That one’s taking a bit to get up and running, but I’m determined to finish Andrea Bruce’s sojourn in a small, mysterious Cuyahoga County town.

3) YIDDISHLAND: Last summer, Danny Fingeroth reached out and asked me to illustrate a four page story for Abrams Books’ upcoming anthology joint-edited by Paul Buhle and the late Harvey Pekar. I have word it will be out soon and will let you know details as I can/once I know.

4) Along with the above, I’m developing 2-3 creator-owned projects with some fantastic artists. Some may see the light, some may die on the vine. The crazy thing about this industry is how many ideas are generated and simply…disappear. I’m determined not to disappear, dig?

I’ll duck in here every now and then to keep you apprised and hype some work, but for now… Let’s get back to the soft drinks, eh?